This week has been rough, not exceptionally rough but atypically rough, a week I hadn't had in a long time. It started with a set of blows and lows (personally and to people I hold close to my heart) and kept getting worse as I was threatened, called out for my lack of knowledge and incompetence, and reminded of all those tasks I just can't get to (damn procrastination...).
But I am not writing here to talk about that, that is just life/work balance... live and learn. What really caught my attention this morning when I woke up at 10:11 was how my mind reverted to a version of myself I hadn't been in a long time.
I didn't really notice what was happening until today. It started with my mind giving me some lame excuse about it "being late" to workout today, had been a full day, "it's ok, you can rest today" I heard in my head. Then I went on to have a terrible supper, completely trashing my consistent efforts of the last 2 years. The next day wasn't better; bad breakfast, lazy excuses all day to not move and justifying that extra piece of chocolate I didn't need and finished with another skipped workout.
My hygiene went down, didn't shower, and stopped brushing my teeth. Last night I ate two chocolate bars and some turron and went on to get "stuck" on youtube watching videos that really gave me nothing in return. Finally went to bed at 3h, didn't even set the alarm, and woke up today directly at 10h (at least I got some rest and quality sleep).
Lying there in bed thinking about the week (and gestating this blog post) a dear friend sent me a note that shook my world, a simple but powerful message and I realized that the acts of this week were what I used to be, that person is in me, even if I have proven to myself that I can be someone else, I can also be this other person... IF I decide to be that way. I will have to fight the rest of my life against that version of myself. I am willing to do that, totally. I am not going back there for many reasons but mostly because it is the right thing to do, for me and all the people that count on me to keep doing it.
I apologize to all those people I let down, I thank all those people that help me help so many others.
Had a good breakfast and going to workout today!!
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